Angst and Angstier
by Neko no Baka
Summary: Kamui and Subaru looked to find out just who is more angsty. Co written with Hitori


Angst and Angstier  
  
By Us  
  
Subaru Sumeragi blinked in confusion and sat back in his chair. Maximized on his desktop, an X fanfiction glowed ominously at him. "Kamui," he pointed to his computer screen "look."  
  
An anorexic violet eyed waif of a boy leaned over and read the contents of the short story. "And?"  
  
"Well, look! The fanbase thinks you're more angsty than me."  
  
Kamui blinked "Of course. I am."  
  
"What?! Have you been listening at all when I talk about my life?"  
  
"Kind of. And It's nothing compared to mine."  
  
"Kamui," Subaru's one green eye looked at him solemnly "have you been buying into what those… fangirls have been writing?"  
  
Kamui looked indignant "Of course not! I know my life fine by myself and I KNOW it's more depressing than yours."  
  
"It seems the wait of the upcoming battle has disillusioned you." There was confusion on Kamui's part for a few seconds before understanding slowly set in.  
  
"Are you saying I'm… wrong?"  
  
"Well, you are."  
  
Pale anorexic hands waved back and forth in protest. "No way."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"No."  
  
"Yes!"  
  
"Nooooo!"  
  
"Alright, fine. Obviously we aren't going anywhere."  
  
"Outside opinion?"  
  
Subaru considered this for a moment "Sure, but not fangirls."  
  
"Fanboys?"  
  
"No fan anybodies!"  
  
"Then who?"  
  
A silence.  
  
"My therapist?"  
  
"You have a therapist?"  
  
Subaru shrugged. "I'm just that angsty."  
  
Kamui pouted "But that's biased opinion. I say therapist at random."  
  
A moment of contemplation.  
  
"Agreed."  
  
*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*  
  
"I'm sorry, you want what?"  
  
"You to diagnose us and tell us who's more angsty." The therapist raised an eyebrow and eyed the two young men thoughtfully.  
  
"Well," Kamui pointed out oh-so helpfully "we are paying you."  
  
A slow nod and then the good doctor shrugged his shoulders. "Okay, but before we begin, just what do you think 'angst' means?"  
  
Subaru responded without hesitation. "Really depressing." Kamui just nodded. The doctor stared for a moment, before getting up and pulling a dictionary from his book shelf. He reclaimed his chair, and flipped through the book till he found the page he wanted.  
  
"Actually," he handed them the book "it means 'inordinate fear, fright, or anxiety.'"  
  
Subaru, "Huh, what do you know" looking up from the book to the doctor. "Alright, then determine 'who' has the most depressing life."  
  
Doctor, "Fine. So who would like to begin?" he adjusted his notepad in his lap. Kamui and Subaru exchanged glances then Subaru nodded. Kamui cleared his throat, and Subaru and the good doctor prepared themselves for a long sit.  
  
*~~~~~~~~~*  
  
"…and so now I'm just trying not to get molested while I figure out how to solve the problem of, well, the end of the world." The therapist's mouth gaped, he nodded weakly for Subaru to begin his story. Subaru thought for a moment then decided to begin his story in 1982.  
  
*~~~~~~~~*_*~~~~~~~~~~*  
  
By the end of Subaru's story the therapist's face looked oddly vacant. Subaru. "So. Who's life is more depressing?"  
  
The doctor remained quiet as he walked over to the window and opened it wide letting a slight breeze in. He inhaled deeply, and then exhaled a sigh. Then leaned forward and let himself fall freely out the window to his death. The two 'cases' of the day only stared where the man had been. Kamui was the first to talk.  
  
"Great, how does that help us?"  
  
Subaru confused. "So wait… who's more depressing?" Kamui was off in his own thoughts.  
  
"I can't believe it. Our lives are soo… depressing that it makes an ordinary person commit suicide. And he probably gets a lot of screwed up cases. What's stopping me from committing suicide? That's it! I'm going to commit suicide!"  
  
Kamui started searching for a sharp object of some kind. Subaru, realizing what Kamui was doing, got up. "Wait! My life is way more depressing. 'I' should be committing suicide!" He reasoned.  
  
Kamui was going to debate it with him, but then just threw his hands up. "Fine, we'll 'both' commit suicide."  
  
With that agreed upon the two continued to search the room for a tool to end their sad sad lives with. Since they couldn't find any knives, they decided to go with pens. Kamui turned to Subaru as he readied his trusty pen of death. "Ok, Subaru. It was nice knowing you."  
  
Subaru nodded, as he readied his own pen. "You too. Goodbye."  
  
Kamui successfully plunged his pen into his chest, twitching on the floor for a while before dying. Subaru aimed… and missed. He tried again, then again. "Damn depth perception!" After the 7th try failing he gave up and sat back down.  
  
"God this is sad, can't even kill myself properly." He eyed Kamui's still form on the floor soaked in blood from the deadly pen wound. He sighed, "And all this just serves to make my life more angsty… er, depressing." He reached a thin hand towards the knob, resigned to living, only it made contact with the door instead. "Arg! God damn it! Only having one eye isn't all it's chalked up to be.  
  
~owari 


End file.
